140 Cross Eyed Jokes So Funny You’ll See Double Laughs

Welcome to the wobbly world of cross eyed jokes, where punchlines zigzag like a pair of wandering pupils 👀. Get ready to see humor from both angles as we line up the funniest, quirkiest, and most eye-catching gags you never saw coming. This isn’t just comedy—it’s a full-blown vision test for your funny bone! Whether your day’s been a bit blurry or you just need a double dose of laughter, these jokes are set to cross your path and brighten it right up 😄. So sit back, focus (if you can), and let the giggles go a little out of line!

Cross Eyed Jokes One Liners

These puns are short but pack a punch! Perfect for texts, captions, or cracking up your group chat in a blink of an eye 😂.

1. My cross eyed friend tried to wink at me but ended up startin a staring contest with the wallpaper.
   
2. I dated a cross eyed magician once—every time he vanished, I saw him leave in two directions at once!
   
3. My uncle’s so cross eyed, he thought he was cross-fit because he was always lookin at both dumbbells.
   
4. The cross eyed waiter gave me soup and a fork—he said, “I saw you eating noodles… or maybe that was the guy behind you?”
   
5. Cross eyed dogs are great at fetch—they bring you the neighbor’s shoe, two kids’ bikes, and stare at the mailbox for hours.
   
6. I told my cross eyed friend to look at the bright side—he saw three of them and got a sunburn on one cheek only.
   
7. He’s so cross eyed, when he takes a selfie, it looks like a group photo with strangers.
   
8. I tried takin a selfie with my cross eyed cousin, and my phone crashed tryin to find where to focus.
   
9. My cross eyed goldfish keeps swimmin into glass—either he’s confused or practicing for synchronized crashing.
   
10. When a cross eyed pianist reads sheet music, Beethoven sounds like jazz.
    
11. She’s so cross eyed, she thought her online date was standin beside her during the Zoom call.
    
12. Cross eyed chess is wild—you lose before you start because your knight moved like a bishop.
    
13. I bought a cross eyed mirror once—my reflection winked before I did.
    
14. I hired a cross eyed gardener; now my lawn has a jungle on one side and a bald spot on the other.
    
15. My cross eyed uncle tried archery—he hit two targets and three trees at once.
    
16. You ever meet someone so cross eyed they blink in stereo?
    
17. The cross eyed barista handed me three drinks—I ordered one. He said, “You look like you’re thirsty from this side.”
    
18. I know a guy so cross eyed he sees both past and future while walking straight.
    
19. When my cross eyed cousin plays hide and seek, he finds himself first.
    
20. He’s so cross eyed, when he cries, both sides of the room get wet.

Cross Eyed Girlfriend Joke

These puns add a splash of romance with a twist—literally! Perfect for teasing your partner or sharing with your crush on Valentine’s Day 😘.

1. My cross eyed girlfriend looked me right in the left eye and said, “You’re the only blur I see clearly.”
   
2. I asked her for a kiss, and she kissed the cat next to me—now I’m jealous of my own pet.
   
3. She’s so cross eyed, she posted a selfie and tagged five people who weren’t even in the frame.
   
4. She said, “I only have eyes for you”—problem is, both eyes were aimed at the pizza.
   
5. I bought her glasses to help her focus, now she’s dating two of me.
   
6. When we watch movies, she laughs at two scenes at once—it’s like living in a cinema split screen.
   
7. She waved at me and our waiter at the same time—we both blushed.
   
8. She’s so cross eyed, when she flirts, people on both sides of the room think it’s for them.
   
9. We took a walk on the beach, and she said, “I love the sunset”—but she was looking at a hotdog stand.
   
10. Everytime we argue, she glares at the wall and it still makes me feel guilty.
    
11. I asked her where she sees us in five years—she gave me two different cities.
    
12. She once stared at me so lovingly… then said, “Oops, I thought you were my Uber driver.”
    
13. We danced together and she stepped on four feet—mine and some guy standin three feet away.
    
14. She winked at me and accidentally started a love triangle with our neighbor.
    
15. She took a photo of our date night—accidentally captured three couples and a dog.
    
16. My cross eyed girl bought matching shirts—for me and a stranger beside me.
    
17. She told me I was the apple of her eye—then stared at an orange for ten minutes.
    
18. Our first kiss was magical—mostly because she kissed both my cheeks at once.
    
19. I wrote her a poem, and she read it out loud to a plant by mistake.
    
20. She saw a romantic movie and cried—for the wrong couple.

Cross Eyed Joke Jungle Cruise

Get ready for a boatload of tropical chaos! These cruise-ready puns are perfect for jungle tours, travel memes, and goofy family vacations 🛳️🌴.

1. Our cross eyed tour guide pointed left, but the monkey on the right got all the attention.
   
2. We saw a tiger, a snake, and a backpack—still not sure what he was pointin at.
   
3. The cross eyed captain said “Land ho!” and we hit a rock… in the middle of the ocean.
   
4. He warned us of crocodiles on both sides—even though we were in a gift shop.
   
5. I asked the cross eyed sailor for a towel, he handed me a life vest and a pineapple.
   
6. We spotted a flamingo—or two, or maybe a lawn ornament, not sure what he was aiming at.
   
7. The cross eyed cook served lunch—half our table got soup, the other half got sunscreen.
   
8. He said, “Look at that rare bird!” and everyone stared in different directions.
   
9. The cross eyed photographer took our group photo—he got the parrots instead.
   
10. Our captain told a joke, laughed at his own punchline, and high-fived a palm tree.
    
11. He said, “Watch out for snakes!”—turns out he was lookin at the salad bar.
    
12. The jungle map looked like spaghetti after the cross eyed guy labeled it.
    
13. We docked at the wrong island, and the cross eyed navigator said, “Close enough.”
    
14. He tried to lead us on a nature hike—we ended up in a janitor’s closet.
    
15. He offered us drinks with paper straws—we ended up with fishing rods.
    
16. He shouted, “Panther at 3 o’clock!”—it was a suitcase.
    
17. We tried bird watching, and ended up watching a coconut.
    
18. He aimed the binoculars and saw… his own feet.
    
19. I asked for directions—he said, “Go right-left-rightishish.”
    
20. The parrot copied him and got cross eyed too.

Cross Eyed Jokes For Adults

These puns have a cheeky twist made just for grown-ups! They’re clean, silly, and perfect for adding extra giggles to adult convos and parties 🍷😄.

1. My cross eyed roommate tried flirting at the bar—he bought drinks for me, a mannequin, and the exit sign.
   
2. She said I had bedroom eyes… too bad they pointed at her best friend and the ceiling fan.
   
3. We watched a romantic movie, and my cross eyed date cried… for the villain.
   
4. He joined a dating app but kept swiping in two directions—now he’s married and single at the same time.
   
5. I asked her if she loved me—she said yes while staring lovingly at a traffic cone.
   
6. He tried to wink at me but ended up blinking at the bartender, who gave him a free drink.
   
7. The cross eyed guy in our office keeps emailing his boss, his crush, and the IT guy at once.
   
8. She once leaned in to kiss me… and kissed the doorknob.
   
9. I invited him over for Netflix and chill—he chilled with my plant and asked it for popcorn.
   
10. He thought he lost his keys… they were in his hand, but he was lookin at the table leg.
    
11. I told her “eyes on me” during our argument… now the TV feels emotionally attacked.
    
12. He called me “babe” and then apologized to the sofa.
    
13. She winked at me… and my cousin. Now we both think we’re dating her.
    
14. He bought lingerie—gave it to the mailman. Said he thought it was me from the side view.
    
15. She texted me “I miss you” and followed it with “Oops, wrong number.”
    
16. He said, “I see a future with you”… and then walked into a vending machine.
    
17. My cross eyed boss gave me a raise and fired me in the same email.
    
18. He tried to toast me at a wedding… clinked glasses with a fern.
    
19. I gave her a candlelit dinner—she complimented the lamp.
    
20. He looked me in the eye… and said, “Tell your twin I love her too.”

Cross Eyed Plastic Surgeon Joke

These puns get a little snippy—but in the funniest way! Ideal for cosmetic clinic walls, surgeon memes, or goofy hospital-themed parties 💉😆.

1. The cross eyed plastic surgeon gave me dimples… on my elbows.
   
2. I went in for a nose job, came out with two chins and a belly piercing.
   
3. He said he’d lift my cheeks—now I look permanently surprised… and so does my dog.
   
4. My mom asked for Botox—now her eyebrow waves goodbye.
   
5. The cross eyed doc did lip fillers on my earlobes… now I kiss with an echo.
   
6. I asked for a six-pack—he gave me love handles in bold.
   
7. She went in for eyelid surgery, came out with bangs and a tattoo.
   
8. I wanted a jawline like Brad Pitt—got one like a LEGO man instead.
   
9. He asked if I wanted bigger lips… I said yes. Now I whistle when I sleep.
   
10. I showed him a photo of a model—he gave me a statue’s nose.
    
11. I said I wanted higher cheekbones. Now I can rest sunglasses on my forehead.
    
12. I paid for one dimple… got three.
    
13. He gave me a tummy tuck that pulled my socks up.
    
14. I asked him for fuller brows—now I have mustaches above my eyes.
    
15. She came in for a facelift—left looking like her younger cousin’s baby.
    
16. He tried to remove my wrinkles… and also my ears.
    
17. I went for a nose narrowing—he gave me a two-way nostril system.
    
18. My cross eyed doc said, “Trust me.” I did. Now I wear hats to the beach.
    
19. She said, “Make me look younger.” He said, “You’re now three.”
    
20. I sneezed during surgery. He stitched my shoulder to my cheek.

Cross Eyed Teacher Joke

These jokes belong at the back of the classroom! Perfect for school skits, teacher memes, or classroom posters that want a bit of chalkboard giggles 📚😄.

1. Our cross eyed teacher kept callin me to the board—but I was already sitting at the board.
   
2. She said, “Look at me when I talk”—so now I face two walls.
   
3. I got detention for lookin suspicious… turns out she was lookin at the janitor.
   
4. She tried to grade our papers—half got A’s, the rest got lunch menus.
   
5. She tried to do roll call and ended up assigning homework to the skeleton model.
   
6. The projector showed math… she explained Shakespeare.
   
7. I raised my hand, and she complimented the fire extinguisher.
   
8. The whiteboard said “Science,” but she gave a quiz on potatoes.
   
9. She pointed at me and said, “You—stop chewing gum”—I wasn’t chewing, and I was three rows behind.
   
10. She told me to write on the board—I was already doing it.
    
11. Her eyes crossed the whole classroom—so did her spelling.
    
12. She once gave a pop quiz to a chair.
    
13. I tried cheating—she caught the wall behind me.
    
14. She graded my test with someone else’s name.
    
15. I passed a note and she read it out loud… in Spanish.
    
16. She gave a group project—ended up grouping chairs and plants.
    
17. She said, “Eyes on me”—we all looked at three different spots.
    
18. I asked if I could go to the restroom—she handed me a lunch tray.
    
19. She smiled at the class and winked at the window.
    
20. She said I looked tired—I was absent that day.

Dirty Cross Eyed Jokes

These puns get a little cheeky but keep it clean! Great for adults who like their humor slightly naughty but totally safe for the dinner table 😏✨.

1. My cross eyed neighbor cleaned his room and vacuumed the neighbor’s cat by mistake.
   
2. She said she was gonna mop the kitchen—now our garden looks spotless and the fridge has soap bubbles.
   
3. I asked him to dust the shelf—he vacuumed my sandwich and fed the couch.
   
4. He tried to clean the mirror… and polished the microwave for twenty minutes straight.
   
5. My cross eyed cousin went to wipe the windows—he cleaned our TV and yelled “It’s raining!”
   
6. She wanted to mop the floor—now the ceiling fan smells like lemon.
   
7. He said he washed the dishes, but he scrubbed his laptop and microwaved the sponge.
   
8. I told him to do the laundry—he folded my pizza and ironed the dog’s sweater.
   
9. He vacuumed the rug so hard, we lost a shoe, two cookies, and possibly his dignity.
   
10. She put detergent in the toilet and now it foams every time someone says “flush.”
    
11. He was gonna clean the bathroom mirror, but he ended up flossing the blinds.
    
12. I told her to clean the sink—she shampooed the toaster and brushed her phone.
    
13. He wiped the table, cleaned the fridge… and somehow waxed the goldfish.
    
14. She turned on the dishwasher, but put in cutlery, flip-flops, and one sock.
    
15. He meant to clean his shoes—he shaved the carpet and apologized to the mat.
    
16. She thought she was spraying air freshener—now the dog smells like bleach and our couch is lemon-zesty.
    
17. I told him to tidy the bed—he tucked in the broom and gave the chair a pillow.
    
18. She thought she was using glass cleaner—turns out it was whipped cream.
    
19. He wiped down the windows so good, he now talks to squirrels through open air.
    
20. She’s so cross eyed, she once vacuumed the hallway, the neighbor’s welcome mat, and kissed the wall thinking it was me.

Conclusion

Hope these cross eyed jokes made your day wobble with laughter 👀✨ From silly one liners to jungle cruise chaos, every pun had its own wild direction. Whether you’re sharing them with friends, texting your crush, or lightening up a dull moment, these jokes are here to twist your grin sideways.

Life’s too short to see things straight all the time. A little double vision never hurt—especially when it’s full of laughs and clever wordplay 😄. So keep smilin’, keep jokin’, and let your humor look both ways before crossing into the next giggle!

The pun party doesn’t stop here – explore more unlimited puns at FunneyPuns.com!